oh roasted chicken,

11/11/2008.

12.10pm. i go inside my room. i see her things are not there. her things are gone. i dont know where they are. i look through the cabinet. i dont see anything. i still dont see them. i look at the bed above mine. its empty. my roomate is gone. she left. i am going to miss her. im already starting to. she has left. i miss her. im alone.

12/11/2008.

5.13pm. i chat with anna. i get pictures from her. i get pictures during deepavali. pictures i wanted for so long. pictures that make me happy. i like them. i look at them. i see how happy i am. i smile at it. i want that day all over again. i smile at us. we look so happy. we are that happy. i like it. i just like it alot. i am going to post them up later.

6.32pm. i chat again. i chat with qistina. she is coming over. she is coming and we will leave for dinner. i talk to her about today. she talks to me about her classes. i listen. i tell her stories. i tell her jokes. i laugh at them they sound bloody funny to me. i smile again and we eat roasted chicken. they taste like heaven. i like it.

8.13pm. im here. its cold. i am cold. i talk to my friends. i smile because they make me happy. but i stop smiling because i worry. i worry about alot. i worry about classes. i worry about people. i worry about tomorrow. i dont know what to do. i talk to david and he asks me if i am okay. i tell him im fine. i wonder if he is. but for a fact we know. we are all not fine.

9.24pm. i look out the window. i see lights in rooms. i see alot of them. i see figures walking. i know they are people. they are staying just the opposite of me. i see their figure. they are moving in their room. i see but i cant focus. i squint but i still cant see. i try to focus. but all i see is blur. i shut my eyes i look away. i look around me. it is clear. everything is clear. i am still alone. it is clear.

but for a fact we are all not fine. for a fact we are still not fine. for a fact we will never be fine. yesterday. today. tomorrow. or ever.