2.11am. i figured i should write something. its new year. i dont know. it still feels the same. its just another year. nothings new. so why is it a new one. everything stays the same. emotions, actions, our prayers. they are the same. we all hope for the better. still hoping. i dont know where that leads to now that new year has come. and it goes just as quick as it comes.
2.31am. i sit and i breathe this weird smell of whats left in my brothers room. i dont like it. but its there. i turn on the air conditioner and the smell goes away and i get cold. i off it and it comes back. all over again. i sit here and i watch him move about in circles and he moves around and falls back on his chair through his webcam. i see him talk and laugh and he tells me his drunk so i ignore him. but i sit and i watch. he gets up and he moves again and i lose him.
2.46am. i get more wishes. i read them and i wish them the same and i ignore it. its the same thing you say every frigging year. i think it should stop. it sounds stupid, those hopes and i dont really give a ducks ass. i go on about how idiotic it is in my head and i stop for a second. and i think. i chat with my friend and she tells me things i dont want to hear. she tells me about this person who likes slitting her hands and she is still there breathing as we talk. still doing the same thing she does. still breathing. i frown and i look at the screen and i feel that she doesnt deserve to live. i ignore it. i feel the need to say what needs to be appreciated.
3.12am. i am grateful for the people that i get to be with today and i am grateful that we have been given a chance to live and get to know each other eventhough its hard to understand why we are here today but everything we go through now and forever just makes us better and stronger people than what we are yesterday.
3.26am. i taste blood in my mouth. it dissolves with my saliva. i dont taste it anymore. i bite my lip too hard it severed. i drink water and i feel it flowing through my body. i feel like eating it drives me crazy i want to eat i should stop writing. i should stop. i stop now and i go to eat because my mind tells me to so i leave now. i leave. leave.
i miss so many people and i want them to be here with me i want to laugh with them but they are not here. have i found you, flightless bird?
2.31am. i sit and i breathe this weird smell of whats left in my brothers room. i dont like it. but its there. i turn on the air conditioner and the smell goes away and i get cold. i off it and it comes back. all over again. i sit here and i watch him move about in circles and he moves around and falls back on his chair through his webcam. i see him talk and laugh and he tells me his drunk so i ignore him. but i sit and i watch. he gets up and he moves again and i lose him.
2.46am. i get more wishes. i read them and i wish them the same and i ignore it. its the same thing you say every frigging year. i think it should stop. it sounds stupid, those hopes and i dont really give a ducks ass. i go on about how idiotic it is in my head and i stop for a second. and i think. i chat with my friend and she tells me things i dont want to hear. she tells me about this person who likes slitting her hands and she is still there breathing as we talk. still doing the same thing she does. still breathing. i frown and i look at the screen and i feel that she doesnt deserve to live. i ignore it. i feel the need to say what needs to be appreciated.
3.12am. i am grateful for the people that i get to be with today and i am grateful that we have been given a chance to live and get to know each other eventhough its hard to understand why we are here today but everything we go through now and forever just makes us better and stronger people than what we are yesterday.
3.26am. i taste blood in my mouth. it dissolves with my saliva. i dont taste it anymore. i bite my lip too hard it severed. i drink water and i feel it flowing through my body. i feel like eating it drives me crazy i want to eat i should stop writing. i should stop. i stop now and i go to eat because my mind tells me to so i leave now. i leave. leave.
i miss so many people and i want them to be here with me i want to laugh with them but they are not here. have i found you, flightless bird?
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